I hate to admit it but every once in a while my heart breaks out with a blemish (pimple or zit?!) of envy.



Envy is a horrible feeling. It does not make you feel good like an extra piece of coconut creme pie or one more Brandy Alexander might make you feel. What's worse, I try very hard to hide it, so it's probably painfully obvious. I know envy is one of the seven "deadly" sins; it is just plain unenlightened. I started to be more aware of being envious, although I tried to hide it, and realized I needed to take steps to rid my soul of the defect.

I prayed to God to please help me be free of envy. I read more of envy in the Bible, other sacred texts, and literature.





Envy can come from not appreciating what you have. As I went for a walk on the breakwater by the harbor, the thought popped into my mind that we are not all meant to have the same experiences in life. We each have a different Path.




I pondered the idea as I walked along in the cool, misty fog. As I watched the waves crash along the boulders and swirl around to travel back out the the deeper sea, the notion "settled" in my heart. The A-HA moment! My head and heart were cleared and refreshed with the scent of the sea, and a new "wisdom" had taken hold to wash away that blemish.


What a blessing those moments are! A statement we hear over and over again throughout the years of our lives suddenly takes root and spreads to grow in our heart and soul. And we have advanced one step further on The Path. I give thanks for these times.

Yesterday was a memorable day for me. I had a doctor's appointment with a wonderful physician at the county clinic. For years I was paying big money for relief from pain at the "disabled elite's" preferred treatment centers. After a divorce I could only afford the clinic. There I've received the best care that I can recall. I was slightly apprehensive about the appointment because I'd had to postpone several times due to kids home from school with a flu that was going around or else since my car was doing worse than I was.



My blood pressure was lower, within the "normal" range. I waited while my doctor looked at the results of the tests I had. "Your blood sugar, was...perfect. In fact, it's like you're not even diabetic." That was such a sweet thing to hear. I've been very careful, since these things "run in the family". My father managed his diabetes 2 with diet and exercise; he hated to take pills.

The great reaction from my teen-age son upon hearing my good news was unexpected. But the sincere joy and enthusiasm in his voice was worth a king's ransom!

Today I joyfully consider myself very blessed. And I now see that as difficult as a divorce was, it has been in God's wisdom that I would go my separate way to find the health I had in 1980, when I met my ex-husband-to-be. I tried to hang in there, to keep the family together, for the sake of our sons, but my health was in a tailspin with the stress.

Although the ailments that "run in the family" are a concern, the loving environment that was always in my home more than make up. My mother taught me to be the loving, patient mom that I am. When I see how well my 2 sons are doing, I am grateful. When I hear the family dynamics of my neighbor, who is barely able to care for herself, much less her 8 year old curious brown-eyed gift from heaven, my heart breaks. I can only pray that he makes it, as some do, to a man who respects women and finds a loving relationship, despite mom. At times, as I hear her blaming him for her not being able to think due to his screaming, I wonder if that's how serial murderers start out. God forgive me for that thought, I only want and expect the best for the little guy. He's only giving back what he's learned from mom and her mom...

Blessings to You,

Nanci Ann

I hear some young women consider the age of 50 to be old. When I was 15 and 20 I considered it old, too. And I consider myself so blessed to be there, or 54 rather.

Why? I've had children so I've done my bit for the genetic pool on the planet. That means I am done changing diapers and losing sleep.

I am done having to "compete" for a mate. The dating scene is not really scenic. It's a drag. I don't have to put up with the macho BS from some guy trying to look good. I don't have to put up with lame lines from some guy who thinks I expect a compliment for him to get to know me.

I've already lived through a divorce which wasn't easy. I don't have to again!

People expect me to take naps now so I do - every day.

I know what "counts". It's not really very much at all.

I am thankful for the challenges I've had to face. It may sound odd to some people, but I am sincere.

Without working to overcome challenges, we stay complacent and get weaker. Our resources scatter.

By fighting to move ahead despite a challenge, we become humble, compassionate, and forgiving.


I would not have become the person I am today without those challenges. Those obstacles have made my life interesting and meaningful.

Blessings,

Nanci Ann

Today I thank you for the food that we have to eat. I am also grateful for the home I live in. Also, thank you for the clothes we have.

And, of course, thank you for giving me such a great family! Although I have had my challenges and hang-ups, I consider my family my greatest blessing.

Thank you so very, very much for my own 2 children. My very own creations that put to shame the certificates, publications, and degrees I used to be so proud of. I appreciate the intelligence to earn and write those things and I enjoy this gift every day. But my children are incredible. As I tell them, when they were very young I never dreamed they would be so funny and smart and beautiful. They completely outshine every little expectation I ever had!

Having my children has also opened my eyes to one of life's mysteries for women. Although millions and billions of women have conceived, carried, and given birth to babies, each time I did it I felt like I was the only one who had ever done something so magnificent. My life before children was lived in black and white. After having children, my life has been lived in beautiful, vivid kaleidoscope colors!

As the saying goes, count your blessings!

Nanci Ann